🔗 Share this article

I seek out advice from those regarding managing middle-aged struggles, including deep inner questions, diminishing importance, developing a neck resembling a melted timepiece and a newfound passion regarding sunny relocation programs. Recently, I came across the chef’s comments on turning 50 in an interview: “I think if you’re going to have a good go at the second half of your life, you have to edit away all the noise,” he said. “Just be with lovely people. I’m avoiding negative people – ‘mood hoovers’ – and getting better at saying no.”

My first thought was: isn’t this contradictory about evading pessimists and honing one’s rejection skills? Could that imply he needs to dodge his own tendencies? I know – it’s exactly the kind of thing a mood hoover would say, and that’s because I am one. Although in our community we actually prefer the expression “energy vampire”. Refrain from using “downer” or “spoil-sport” – these comparisons to everyday gear are insulting; we possess sentiments (though often pessimistic). I’ll accept “downbeat cashmere throw”, at a pinch.

Maybe you belong to this group as well. Do you tend to be the event’s realist rather than its cheerleader? Does your detailed response to “How are you?” have your interlocutor edging away uncomfortably? Do you greet “fun” activity suggestions with an expression that makes you look like you’ve swallowed a slug? Can you relate deeply to pessimistic characters; has an intuitive ever described your energy as dull?

If this describes you, you’re in our ranks, and that’s acceptable. Despite a whole self-help-inspired trend urging people to get rid of friends who “drain” them, I’d argue we offer real value. It’s likely an energy vampire would have expressed doubts – or shown a grimace – upon hearing about the planned book with a First Nations lead done without input, possibly avoiding much trouble, distress, and disrespect. Such critical insights aren’t typical from “positive” friends.